Friend Souls, The Syrup Of Eternal Victory! Or Some Other Cool Name
by Filthy Casul
Summary: A Dark Souls fan awakes in a dark and grim world, and decides it needs a bit more cheer. How will he bring about this cheer? By recruiting everyone he can into his own personal army of minio- *cough* friends who he will use to beat the tar out of all the evils of the world. On a side note he is looking for an enchanted bottle of maple syrup but that's the sub plot. (Self Insert)
1. Chapter 1: The Grand Beginning!

**AN: This is inspired by the GLORIOUS story Why Can't I Take The Ring After I Fight Artorias? So be prepared for metaphorical insanity. As well as literal insanity. Also, I'm working on the next chapter of Remnant The First Haunt. So no worries there my loyal shee- I mean fans… Yes, you saw nothing.**

 _"I have no unique quote for this chapter, so here's a smile instead :)"_

"Yaaaaaaaaaawn! Hm? I didn't fall asleep in… A… Graveyard…"

I blink a few times for effect.

"Oh my, this is very familiar. I wonder…"

I look down.

And sure enough I'm decked out iiiiiiiiin!

A blue Cleric outfit.

Wait, that's even more familiar. A Cleric.

I sigh "I blame Zelretch… And Sheogorath… They're probably working together."

I look up and decide…

Then and there…

That I…

Will…

…

Huh. I haven't thought that far yet. Let's just continue forth then. I'll figure it out as I go.

* * *

"Aaaah… Crushing puny mortals with a mighty mace is very cathartic. Sauron is a genius." I mumble with a blissful expression on my face and a splattered hollow crossbow man behind me.

I steel myself step through the fog wall.

I see an arena and an armoured figure kneeling in the centre with a coiled sword embedded in its chest.

As I approach I tighten the grip on my mace, preparing for a fearsome battle.

I prepare to yank out the sword when I realize something…

Hmm…

I approach Judex Gundyr and pull off his helmet and sure enough there is a hollowed head within.

I lift my mace and with al my might bring down my mace on his skull.

It was as easy as crushing a watermelon! Not that I'd know what that's like…

"Well that was anti climactic." I state.

I rip the blade from his chest and he falls, and I'm filled with many more souls.

And that's when I realize, the bodies don't disappear anymore… Huh.

I try to lift his halberd. It's difficult but I am still capable of it, barely, it's quite heavy.

"Hmmmm… Hmmmmm… Hmmm? Oh! I know!" I say as a vulpine grin appears on my face.

* * *

"Weeeeeeeeee!" Squish.

I lift the massive halberd once more and move to the next hollow, dropping it on him and crushing the poor bastard.

"Next!" I yell only to realize that was the last one.

I frown and start to walk towards the location of Katanabro.

As I arrive a thought crosses my mind and I try something as he begins to walk towards me.

I say in my best Oscar voice "You're no hollow, eh? Let's talk."

He halts, seems lost in thought briefly before he sheathes his sword and says "Speak then."

I grin and say "I am a prophet, I know what trials lie ahead, and I could use allies on this journey. You are skilled in swordplay, would you join me on my quest?"

He seems to think on it hard and finally asks "If you are a prophet, what is my name?"

I freeze, darn, I can't answer that.

"It is never explicitly stated, though you are known as Sword Master to most, and that name proves itself more than a few times, you are very good."

He raises an eyebrow with a laugh and smiles saying "Well, you're not a very good prophet then, nevertheless flattery will get you everywhere with me, so whether that's the truth, or you are lying, I'll humour you. For now you have my services prophet, I haven't anything better to do in any case. Make this enjoyable won't you?."

I fist pump and whisper "yes…"

I smile brightly and say "Great! I am Jay of Canada, Prophet of Sheogorath, The God of Madness, and it is wonderful to meet you!"

He gives me an amused look and sighs "at least it won't be boring…" He mutters.

"Well, I am Charles, Wandering Swordsman, it is… nice to meet you too." He greets in return.

I happily turn and march towards the entrance with Charles in tow.

Yes, yes… A new minion…

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

* * *

As we descend the steps to the Firekeeper I feign shock and declare, staring at the Firekeeper "By the gods! I never thought I would ever lay eyes on such a beautiful lady! Allow me to introduce myself to you milady, I am Jay, Prophet of Sheogorath, it is an honour to be in the presence of one a magnificent as you!"

I hear a snort behind me as I look at her, apparently she's not used to being flirted with because her face goes bright red at what I say.

Charles says "if you are a prophet wouldn't you already know what she looks like?"

I give him a look as if to say "seriously dude, I'm flirting here! Shut up!"

I look back at the Firekeeper to find she has regained control over herself and opens her mouth tell me the usual splurge.

I quickly interrupt with "you don't need to tell me what you would usually say, I am a prophet, I already know the whole thing about the Lords Of Cinder, the fact that you can power me up and the first flame. I got this, ok?"

She nods and turns away to sit on a step.

I look back at Charles and say "shall we explore?"

He nods and we set off!

Adventure awaits!

But first I gotta drop this halberd of at Andre. He can make better use of it than I.


	2. Chapter Preview & Important Announcement

So, I've been gone for a while. That's cause my inspiration fizzled out, for all of my stories. Consider the RWBY ones on hiatus until I get more inspiration, but this one I'm stopping. But I have a very good reason for this...

Because I have new ideas huzzah! I'll be rewriting this _completely differently_ and as such you should expect some new _and much better_ stuff from here on out. So far I have a few ideas for the beginning but I was able to completely write what'll be chapter 3 or 4.

I don't know if it's good though so if you don't mind a few spoilers for chapter 3 or 4 could you read through and tell me if it looks good? Because I want to know if I can keep up this writing style. I've started writing in third person.

im a bit lazy though so you likely won't be getting chapters 1 and 2 until anywhere between 6 hours and 2 days. Sorry.

Anyway, here it is!

* * *

The two men stood quietly in the room, the only sound being the bonfire beside them.

The Thief decided to go for it and asked the question, the question which had led him to go through all that just to get here.

He took a breath, steeled himself, and then spoke to the obviously still stunned man.

"Can you teach me Necromancy?"

Still recovering from the shock, the Necromancer's mind latched onto something familiar, something which fit the question he was given, his time as a teacher. He had many students, most of which also resided within the catacombs at this time. His mouth opened to speak to the Thief.

"Of course... Do you perhaps have any magical talent already?" His voice was a bit soft, but his words were easily understood in the mostly silent room.

At the question the Thief seemed to deflate a little, "Well no. But I can learn."

The Necromancer, still a bit dazed, yet having his thoughts return to him decided that it would be best to start with introductions before getting into such things.

"I see," He began "I shall teach you, however first I believe I should thank you. My name is Cale, and while my memories mostly evade me, I can safely say that I did not want what had befallen me, and I am eternally grateful for your assistance." He finished with a look of gratitude on his face.

The Thief seemed to smile behind his mask, yet he was also plagued by indecision. 'Gaaaaah! What name should I go with!?' He yelled in his head 'I know so many cool ones, like Durzo, Kylar, Flynn, and Jorg. My old name doesn't really fit a world like this!' And truly, it didn't. However he had little time before his silence would seem odd and hoping for the best, he spoke.

His thoughts however, couldn't keep up with his mouth and he blurted out a name which he thought was nice, a name an old friend of his had, a name that _still_ didn't fit the world even if it was better than his old one.

"David," he said "but you can call me Dave." He was seemingly calm and collected as he spoke, yet the situation within his mind wasn't so tranquil. 'WHAT THE FUCK! I WAS TRYING NOT TO BE MEDIOCRE HERE! AAAAAAAGH!'

Cale, unaware of the Thief's inner panic responded "Well Dave, while I'd like to converse more, we may have a problem. I am not sure whether I can control the undead out there as of now what with the current situation. Thus we should make haste to somewhere safer, do you perhaps know of a secure location?"

David's eyes widened, "I hadn't thought of that." And indeed, the creaking of bones could be heard getting closer, "Can you run?" He asked the Necromancer.

Cale nodded, he may be middle aged but the curse halted his age before he became frail, and his newly restored body was quite fit despite his occupation as a practitioner of Magic.

David began to move towards the exit and spoke, urgency clear in his voice, yet not without a hint of humour, "Then follow me, and please don't lag behind too much old man, I am quite quick and won't be able to stop for you if you sprain your ankle!"

With that he began to run, sprinting past the few skeletons that had already arrived, Cale surprisingly catching up quite easily. "Old man?! I'm not that old! Do I look any older than forty to you!?" The Necromancer shouted.

"Well I'm seventeen, and you've been hollow for who knows how long, so you're pretty old to me! You also have greying hair and wrinkles!" And to that Cale could only reluctantly agree, despite what he would prefer.

Their mad dash had awoken the other residents of the Catacombs and it seemed as if they didn't want the two men to leave. The duo ran through the winding tunnel toward the exit, nimbly avoiding blades and blasts alike and soon enough could see the light outside. Their footsteps echoed through the chamber as they sprinted to freedom, and finally, they were in the graveyard. Yet they didn't stop there, they continued their escape from the horde of skeletons behind them.

Everything seemed to be going well, they were almost out of the field of graves when they spotted something guarding the exit. A massive skeleton stared them down from the stairs, blocking the only way out. They didn't give up yet, as it seemed David had a plan, why else would he have such a look of determination cross his face and be reaching towards his belt?

Indeed he did, it was crazy, but so far his luck hadn't failed him. He pulled a firebomb of his belt, whispered in a hopeful voice "Here goes nothing..." and threw it at the Giants face. Surprisingly he hit it dead on and said creature seemingly attempted to scream as its head became consumed by fire and it tried to put it out by clawing at its face.

The two mostly sane undead ducked under its legs as they ran, making their way to their destination at great speeds.

As the bonfire came within view the Thief pointed at it and yelled over the sound of a tide of bones and steel crashing into the giant behind them, "Quickly! Touch the Bonfire!"

At his words Cale nodded, and the two dashed past a surprised Crestfallen Warrior and put their hands on the bonfire. The world was suddenly engulfed in a strange orange and gold light and the sound of their pursuers disappeared.

The men fell to the ground exhausted, "Hah, we made it! That was both terrifying and exhilarating! But, if I can help it I shall never do that again." The Thief said, laughing and crying in equal amounts. "How about you old timer? Wasn't that fun?"

In response to the question the Necromancer sighed wearily, "I'm not sure I like your definition of fun David. Still, I must admit I can't remember the last time I had a workout like that."

As the duo caught their breath they heard the Crestfallen Warrior approach. "I had thought you mad when we last spoke but this? This proved it. Still, I'm impressed, if that's your idea of sneaking through the graveyard, and you're able to pull it off, you must be insanely lucky. You would do well not to rely on it however, as doing so could get you killed."

David's face twisted into a scowl, "Man, someone woke up on the wrong side of the shrine today." He said, before quieting down at the look sent his way.

"If you had made one mistake this place could have been filled with those things, I have every right to lecture you boy. Now keep it down, I prefer the silence." The man said in his gravelly voice before turning to walk back to his bench to sit.

Cale found the interaction amusing, "Care to tell me your friends name?" He asked the Thief.

David turned his scowl towards his new acquaintance before speaking, "No idea, I never asked the guy, but can you blame me? He's not exactly very approachable."

Cale agreed, still, "He seemed to have known you, so the two of you have spoken correct?" The Necromancer said.

"Yeah, but it was brief and I was a bit distracted at the time." The Thief replied. He then sighed yet his face took on a more excited look. "So! Necromancy, what can you teach me?"

The Necromancer smirked, "Plenty, but do you have the patience for it?" He asked, cackling internally at the horrendous work the Thief would have to put into learning. Cale was one of the most talented Necromancers of his time, and it took him _years_ of blood, sweat, tears, and hard work to reach a level at which he could maintain even a mere _six_ undead servants! His memory may not be fully intact but he could remember that he had been undead for at least a century before he had gotten to his current level. There was more than one reason few ever learned the 'dark' art.

David swallowed nervously, he didn't like the way his soon to be Teacher had said that, but resolved to try his best, how hard could it be? It's only Necromancy right?

* * *

And that's that! Tell me your thoughts, treasure your memories of the old version of this story, and wait for me to write the chapters before this one. That is all.


End file.
